Some 500 years ago, a man, woman, and child were forcibly removed from their homeland. They were the first family of millions to be taken from Africa, shackled, beaten, and stripped of their rituals, religions, and basic sense of humanity. Families were often arbitrarily torn apart for monetary gain. Children were sold away, not raised by their parents. This cycle would continue legally until 1865, subconsciously even to present day.
Throughout the institution of slavery, a man’s value was placed on his physical strength. The broader their shoulders, the bigger their muscles the better workers they would make. Many slave owners took their strongest and biggest enslaved male Africans and treated them as any owner of horses would treat their best stallion—put him in a room and hope that the mating would be successful.
Millions of African and African American men fathered children they never saw, never knew existed or even worse, interacted with daily and could not tell them that they were their fathers. The structure of the African American family unit was annihilated. This created a rift within the legacy of African American fatherhood. Marriage was not allowed between slaves, which helped many owners further the cause of using one man to create an army of slaves. African American studies scholars Delores P. Aldridge and Carlene Young state that the “imbalance, alienation and non-cohesion” within many African American homes presently can be identified as a “collective post-traumatic stress disorder” of the prolonged campaign of dehumanization within America.
According to a 2008 American Community Survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau, 63% of African-American households are spearheaded by single moms. Although popular forms of media have addressed the disappointment associated with the absentee African American father, they rarely depict the process by which a relationship is established, or can be established, between a father and child when the two reconcile.
Below are memoirs and personal accounts some daughters experienced with their fathers. Some famous, some not, some traumatic, some exhilarating but all, nonetheless, a part of our history.
Daughters of Men: Portraits of African American Women and Their Fathers
By: Rachel Vassel
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers, 2007
Pages: 192
Vassel compiles more than 40 personal essays from pop icon Beyonce Knowles, actresses Sanaa Lathan (Love and Basketball) and Malinda Williams (Soul Food, 2000-2004), entertainment moguls Cathy Hughes (TV ONE) and Tracey Edmonds (Edmonds Entertainment Group, Inc.), and Harlem’s Studio Museum curator Thelma Golden among others detailing the relationships they have (or had) with their loving fathers. Each intimate account showcases a present, supportive, and wise father figure. Each testimonial is accompanied by a photo of the specific father and daughter as tangible evidence that positive relationships can and do exist between African American women and their fathers.
Where Did You Sleep Last Night?: A Personal History
By: Danzy Senna
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2009
Pages: 208
Where Did You Sleep Last Night?: A Personal History uses a child’s perspective to uncover the story of her father’s past. Senna honestly describes the events that created the dysfunctional relationship she and her father share and how her trip through the Deep South gave her a better understanding of her father. In order to paint a vivid picture of both of her parents, Senna also includes her mother’s familial history—a history that is well documented and intertwined with Boston’s industrialization. The daughter of two writers, an African American poet and Irish-American poet, and an accomplished writer in her own right, Senna relays each incident with just enough information to continuously engage the reader and allows the reader to reach his or her own conclusions. She employs fragments as a powerful storytelling technique rather than listing her memories in chronological order which makes the book stand out from other memoirs and hard to follow at times. Where Did You Sleep Last Night?: A Personal History describes one daughter’s journey to find the missing pieces of her father’s past and in many ways to find a piece of herself.
Jokes My Father Never Taught Me
By: Rain Pryor & Cathy Williams
Publisher: HarperCollins, 2006
Pages: 224
Pryor gives a loving, yet prosaic glimpse into her childhood with comedy icon and her father, Richard Pryor. Pryor briefly examines the difference between her father’s African American heritage and her mother’s Jewish heritage throughout the memoir as a larger critique of racism within America. Pryor adds an intimate aspect to the memoir as she describes the challenges she faced trying to define herself between the two. Through humor and bitterness, Pryor describes her father’s periodic presence within her life, the evolution of their relationship and the ever-present entourage of Richard Pryor’s girlfriends, and other wives. Pryor uses this village of women and their interactions with her father as the foundation for the relationship she had with him. Pryor also addresses incidents of child abuse, sexual molestation, and self-esteem issues.
Fathering Words: The Making of an African American Writer
By: E. Ethelbert Miller & E.E. Miller
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press, 2001
Pages: 192
In this riveting account of loss and triumph, E. Ethelbert Miller chronicles his life following the death of his father and older brother. Miller focuses on the internal and external factors which help to create an African American writer and more importantly, the influence parents have in their children’s lives. Miller employs unwavering love and profound bitterness to describe this coming of age story. A poet, Miller, uses vivid imagery and figurative language to depict his experiences without getting bogged down in elaboration.
Angela’s Ashes
By: Frank McCourt
Publisher: Scribner, 1999
Pages: 364
In this enthralling masterpiece, McCourt tells the story of his childhood, beginning when his family is forced to relocate back to their homeland of Ireland due to family struggles brought on by his father’s alcoholism and financial challenges. McCourt writes from the perspective of an adolescent examining the world unfold around him instead of an adult remembering past experiences which makes the memoir unique. McCourt does not sugar coat any experience nor does he shy away from graphic details. McCourt beautifully depicts his alcoholic father’s unresponsiveness to his family’s suffering and his mother’s heroic, yet feeble attempts to bring stability to their family and his financial struggle to return to America—the land where his dreams can become reality. The book was a New York Times Bestseller and the film adaptation was released in the same year as its publication.
The Tender Bar: A Memoir
By: J.R. Moehringer
Publisher: Hyperion, 2005
Pages: 368
Pulitzer Prize winning author J.R. Moehringer recounts his childhood in Manhasset, Long Island in this touching memoir. Moehringer describes needing an escape from his grandparent’s abusive marriage and dysfunctional household and his need for a substitute father since his own father abandoned him shortly following his birth. He finds comfort and a slew of father figures at the corner bar, Dickens. Moehringer moves through his initial overwhelmed state to a “regular” visitor at the bar. He employs vivid, elaborate descriptions of the bar’s patrons, which capture the reader and cause them to become emotionally attached to the patron’s dreams and aspirations. The Tender Bar: A Memoir tells of the creation of a surrogate family and how that family guided the future of its youngest member through rituals and kind gestures.
(*2011)
Here’s to a better experience for the next generation:
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